Pop-Anthropology Straight From the Wardrobe

One of the major realizations that hits most study abroad students–somewhere in between binge drinking and booking EasyJet flights–is the realization that there are countries on this planet other than the United States. These countries often have inhabitants who I will call “citizens,” and they engage in any number of activities like breathing, talking, jousting, and sauntering in front of me when I just want to get to the end of the bread aisle. I have had the pleasure of meeting all sorts of fine people throughout my time in the United Kingdom. My experience has led me to formulate a few theories, especially one that I would like to submit to you for corroboration.

Now this new theory is far better than my first theory, which went something like this: All attractive English-women are either movie stars or employees of Virgin Atlantic. Thankfully, this theory crashed and burned upon further inspection. I extend my gratitude to the fine men of OOSC who helped me disprove my theory.

With that said, here is my new theory: Almost all English-people can be classified as one of the four major characters in The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. By major characters, I of course mean the four endearing Pevensie children: Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy. Peter is the ever-noble leader of the group, the eldest, and the wisest. Susan is the strong yet elegant oldest sister who has a knack for archery. Edmund, often pretentious and typically contemptible (that was the only acceptable synonym for “douche bag” I could find in my dictionary) is a naughty boy indeed. Lucy is an immature but lovable little girl who lacks the grace of her older sister.

I have found it quite simply to Pevensie-spot while out and about, and I suggest you try it for yourself if you can. To help you, I have given you a list of famous Brits and their corresponding categories.

Peters: Winston Churchill, Pierce Brosnan, Alan Rickman, Francis Warner

Susans: The Queen, Princess Diana, Judi Dench, Rachel Weisz

Edmunds: Ringo Starr, Hugh Grant, Keith Richards, Eddie Izzard

Lucys: Margaret Thatcher, Baby Spice, Julie Walters

I suggest that you try my theory out for yourself. If you run across an anomaly, classify it as a Mr. Tumnus.

~ by Jake Williams on April 15, 2008.